Eleven years ago, I was dreading Christmas. I’d split up with my partner the previous spring and she had decided to go to her mum’s for a few days, taking our children with her. It would have been wrong for me to argue. After all, it had been my decision to break 
the family up so, as she didn’t get a choice in that, it seemed only fair for her to choose how to spend that ‘most wonderful time of the year’.
The outcome for me, though, was that I wasn’t going to see my kids at Christmas.
A few years before, I’d been involved in a formal but fun debate. The motion proposed that the spirit of Christmas was dead. I was on the opposing side and, when it was my turn to speak, I argued that the spirit of Christmas couldn’t die because it was renewed with every child that came into the world. And I’d meant what I said.
As I hit my mid-teens, the magic of Christmas was already going for me. For a start, I’d learnt the truth about Santa (but don’t tell the kids, will you?). Still, there were new things to do: parties, drinking, mistletoe… And that evolved as I went into the world of work, with office parties and access to pubs being added to the mix. 
By my mid-twenties, though, even that was beginning to give way to a general sense that the whole thing was becoming a chore. The drag of trying to think of what presents to buy; the obligation to go and visit families (either my own or a partner’s); the sense of going through the motions at times as I willed the holiday to pass so I could get back to normal.
And then the magic returned. Being only nine months old, my daughter won’t have known much about her first Christmas, but there was still something special about it. Of course, a year later, there was more awareness, and by the time the third one came around she was as excited as I’d ever been. And so was I.
So, even though that debate was intended to be tongue-in-cheek, my point was genuine, and it was that experience with my daughter – and subsequently my son – that formed the foundations of that argument. For me, time with family has been the essence of Christmas.
Facing the prospect of being without my children was, therefore, difficult. Other people understood that. My parents and sisters all offered 
to have me round. One of my new neighbours did as well. And I was grateful to them all. But I declined those offers. And I declined them because I didn’t know how I was going to feel on the day. My suspicion was that I was going to be miserable (it’s not unheard of!), and I didn’t feel it would be right to inflict that on another household when they should be celebrating.
Which meant, not only was I not going to see my kids on Christmas Day, but I was going to be alone.
As it turned out, I had a really good Christmas Day. I determined that, for the first time in years, I didn’t need to be up at the crack of dawn – or, more likely, well before it – so I had the luxury of a lie in. Sadly, it was interrupted by a phone call from my son who wanted to wish me a Happy Christmas, but it was good to hear from him.
When I got up, I decided that, as I was on my own, I could eat and drink what I wanted, when I wanted. And I did, snacking when the mood took me – who wants to waste hours in the kitchen preparing a meal anyway? I also decided to spend some time writing and, by the end of the day – which flew by – had written over 4000 words, probably the most I’ve ever completed in one day.
For many people, the prospect of being alone at Christmas is depressing, even frightening. Knowing someone else will be alone doesn’t sit right either. But many people are, whether by choice or circumstance. Not all of them are fortunate enough, as I was, to have the ability to choose to make the best of that day.
Whichever camp you fall into, whether you have the benefit of your family around you, you prefer to use the time to do something for yourself, or you will be alone even though you’d prefer not to be, I hope you find peace. Because, even though I argued that the spirit of Christmas is renewed with each child, in truth it is more about finding whatever gives you the most peace. What it definitely isn’t is any of the things pictured throughout this post.
Merry Christmas!
Very perceptive and true. Hope you and E have a lovely day!
Thanks, Geoff. And, whatever you’re doing, I hope you and yours enjoy a terrific Christmas!
I hope your Christmas will be happier this year!
Thank you very much – though I obviously didn’t make it clear enough that I did have a very good day anyway. I hope you have the Christmas you wish for too!
Bless you!
I’m sorry you didn’t have your children with you that Christmas but totally understand how you made the most of it by writing. I suspect I’d do the same! Merry Christmas Graeme. Hope all is well with you and hope to see you at the Bash.
I rarely see my children at Christmas, Marje, but, as they’re no longer children, that’s hardly surprising. I am looking forward to a Boxing Day brunch with my daughter, though. Hope you and yours enjoy the Christmas you want.
PS Is there a Bash of some kind coming up?
That’s nice that you’re catching up with your daughter on Boxing day. I have both mine at home at the moment over Christmas which is nice. But Gina is going back to university in Manchester in January. Yes the bloggers bash has been set for June 15th 2019. Details on the Bloggers Bash Website. https://annualbloggersbash.com/buy-your-ticket-here/
It’s a good job you pointed that out to me, Marje… Enjoy your time with the family
Lol. I was beginning to doubt myself. Yes it is! Thank you will do. And all the best to you too.
I remember when I was thirty planning a Christmas Day by myself. But well meaning friends turned up on the day and carted me off to theirs… it would have been churlish to refuse, but all I really wanted for Christmas that day was to be alone. The magic of Christmas has faded for us too now our boys are in their late teens, but I’m just happy we are all together for a few days with no demands on our time or distractions. As the boys go off to college and meet partners in the future who knows how many years are left of them coming to us for Crimbo? We just have to enjoy what we have and make the most of it. Whatever you are doing and whoever you are with this Christmas, hope it’s happy and fun!
Being alone can be good for you, can’t it? Too many people consider it to mean that you’re lonely, when sometimes having some space and time for yourself can be the best thing in the world.
For a variety of reasons, I rarely see my kids on Christmas Day now – they are in their mid-20s, so that’s a factor all on its own. I know a few years ago, my daughter was talking about coming to see me, but wasn’t sure when it would be because she was working that day, and she had to go to her mum’s for Christmas Dinner, and she had some other things she had to do, so I told her to take me off the list. I didn’t want her to be stressed and, although I couldn’t take the other pressures away, I could at least take that one off her. It’s a time to relax and enjoy, and I’d rather see her afterwards when we can get more out of our time together.
This year will be another odd one for me, but it will be enjoyable. Have a great one, Ali!
Hope its odd in a good way! All the best!
I’m sure I won’t be disappointed…
Good. 😊
Merry Christmas, Graeme.
Thanks, Robbie. And you
Merry Christmas, Graeme.
I dreaded my first Christmas day alone when the boys had all left home…and for me too, it turned out to be one of the most meaningful and beautiful of days.
Happy Christmas to you and Es, Graeme.
Apologies for the delay in responding, Sue. Ess and I have just had our Christmas (long story, don’t ask!), so the laptop has been hidden away to minimise distractions!
Whatever you’re doing to celebrate (wherever that may be, and with whom!), I hope you have a great day!
Stuart and I had our Christmas early too… tomorrow will be granddaughters, sons and a steamy kitchen 🙂
Sounds like an ideal day. Have fun!
I will… and you too, I hope.