As the title says, I need your help. Just a little bit of input, though I do appreciate that you may need to give up some time. I’m gearing up for publication with Carrion and I’ve reached the part where I have to put together the dreaded blurb. When I did it with Ravens Gathering, I was shooting blind and didn’t really know where to turn for guidance. Even so, the blurb I put together seemed to go down well, incorporating a mix of a very short extract and an equally short teaser.
Carrion isn’t the same as Ravens Gathering, in the sense that it’s not the same genre (assuming anyone can actually tell
me which genres either of them are!). Nevertheless, I wanted similar imagery on the cover.
By the same token, I thought it would be good to keep the blurb in a similar style. So, the extract I’ve picked is the following:
A sheet of black filled his vision as hundreds of birds dived at the cottage, pointed beaks thrust forward. From this angle, he couldn’t see many of them striking it, but the few he did see held nothing back as they hammered into the shutter. The scale of the attack was beyond anything he’d seen or heard. And bloodied casualties littered the ground: skulls shattered, wings broken, innards spilling from them. The fact that so many of them continued with the onslaught in spite of this filled him with even more dread.
It’s hard to believe this had its origins as a bedtime story for my children, isn’t it?
So, my first question is about that extract: How does that sound to you as a potential reader? Does it draw you in? Do you feel indifferent? Even if this clearly isn’t going to be a genre you’d read, does it give you a flavour of the kind of book it is?
Okay, that’s more than one question, but most of them are simply prompts. I don’t expect an answer for each part, just a general reaction.
Moving on, beneath the extract, I have some options for the teaser (there’s probably a proper name for that – feel free to enlighten me).
Option One
When Salin invites his friends to join him on an adventure, it sounds like fun, but there’s a lot more at stake than any of them realise. Pursued by ravens as they enter new lands, it soon becomes a race against time that will test their loyalties. When countless lives depend on the success or failure of their mission, their adventure isn’t fun any more.
Option Two
When Salin invites his friends to join him on an adventure, it sounds like fun. But there’s more to it than any of them realise. With strange lands come strange creatures that stand between them and their goal. And that goal is the same for someone else, a man with dark powers, who believes the prize is worth every sacrifice – especially when the sacrifices are made by others. As they race against time, loyalties are tested and the friends learn that life isn’t just a game.
Option Three
Salin has always wanted an adventure and, when the opportunity presents itself, he grabs it with both hands, taking his friends along for the ride – whether they want to or not.
The man with the beast faces the greatest challenge of his life, but the prize is worth every sacrifice – especially when the sacrifices are made by others…
With strange lands come strange creatures that stand between them and their goal. Time is running out. But who for?*
*Or should that be: ‘But for who?’?
My question here is simple: Which of these do you think is the best? That said, if you think they’re all rubbish, feel free to say that. I’m well past the point of feeling sensitive about anything relating to this book!
Frankly, any feedback you give me is useful, and I am very grateful to anyone who takes the time to give any aspect of this blurb some thought. In anticipation, many thanks.
I stink at blurbs but thought I’d throw my proverbial two cents in here. I think the teasers are more what you’d want on the back as your blurb. The extracts can be on the back or in the description. ??? Do you have a tagline?
I like option 3 best Graeme, but ending it ‘for who?’ If I read that as a blurb after the extract, I’d definitely open up the book to see a bit more… 🙂 x
Thanks, Ruth. Much appreciated.
I like 2 and 3. Maybe worth splicing! More peril and a sense of foreboding might increase the reader enticement! It’s good though just needs, some of those popular keywords adding for the genre. Maybe quest or journey is better than adventure, if it is either of those? Maybe I’m talking outa my a…?
I’m getting a few comments elsewhere about possibly merging the two. I’ll have a play around with them later. I’ve deliberately used adventure because that’s how Salin sees it all and, like a lot of young men and boys, thinks it’s all going to be good fun – but life isn’t like that.
I definitely like option one best. Maybe try flipping/reworking the last sentence. ???
When Salin invites his friends to join him on an adventure, it sounds like fun, but there’s a lot more at stake than any of them realise. Pursued by ravens as they enter new lands, it soon becomes a race against time that will test their loyalties. Their adventure isn’t much fun anymore, and countless lives depend on the success or failure of their mission.
or
When Salin invites his friends to join him on an adventure, it sounds like fun, but there’s a lot more at stake than any of them realise. Pursued by ravens as they enter new lands, it soon becomes a race against time that will test their loyalties. Now a life or death mission, countless lives depend on their success or failure.
Or something like that. Or not. 🙂
Wow, Sarah. You’ve really taken this one on board, haven’t you? (Trust me. I’m grateful for that!) I suspect I’m getting some more input, so I’ll come back to your suggestions when I can assess it all. But thank you for taking the time to give it some thought. As for a tagline, I’m currently leaning towards:
Choose your words carefully.
Words have power.
It’s a phrase that’s significant in the book.
Eek. Sorry. I went a bit overboard. Take it or leave it. 😉 Love the tagline.
Don’t apologise, Sarah. I’m delighted that you’ve bought into it so much already!
The extract just sounds like Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’. All three of the blurbs say ‘fantasy’ to me and as that’s not really my thing I stop reading there. That’s not to say it’s not good – just I’m not the right person to ask. But if you’re not aiming for fantasy that’s a worry. And the feel of the extracts is more Lord of the Rings than The Birds, which might be an issue as people do like to know what genre they are getting. (I don’t say this is a good thing, but everyone tells me it’s important.)
I would essentially say ‘ditto’ to Ruth’s comment. The third option with the addition of ‘who’ and the extract.
That’s good to know, Renny. Thanks for taking the time to consider it.
Assuming this was a book by an author I didn’t know, the excerpt sounds like gory horror… which, if I picked the book up for the cover, would put me off straight away, and having read Ravens Gathering, I know there will be more to the story than that.
It doesn’t seem to entirely match the blurb, which says ‘fantasy’. I would be most intrigued by option two… and wouldn’t object to passages of horror in a fantasy. I still have nightmares about some of Alan Garner’s work 😉
That’s interesting, Sue. It is fantasy, but it’s dark fantasy, so it does go to some dark places at times. That said, as you’ve said yourself, there is more to it than that. There are even a few bits that are fun in the middle of it all!
I agree with what Tom says that the extract sounds like something for Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds.’ But because it’s one of my favourite movies, maybe that’s why it reminded me of that movie? When I read it, (and because of this line – ‘And bloodied casualties littered the ground: skulls shattered, wings broken, innards spilling from them.’) I instantly thought that I had picked up a ‘horror’ book. That line sounded rather gory to me, which may put some people off from buying the book if they don’t like blood and gore. However, if it’s aimed at those of us who like some blood and gore in our reading and movies, then it’s a fantastic line.
I prefer option two of the three you gave. I loved ‘life isn’t just a game.’ For me, those five words made me want to find out more. I asked myself why life wasn’t just a game and why this story was saying so. I think this option also had a great build up to those last five words.
I hope that all helps, Graeme.
It’s funny, but Ravens Gathering also got a lot of comparisons with The Birds, though when people read it, other comparisons started to be made, from Straw Dogs to The Wicker Man and, believe it or not, Emmerdale! It isn’t horror, but it does go to some very dark places, and I picked this extract because I wanted potential readers to get a genuine sense of the peril the protagonists experience. Also, there is gore in there, and I don’t want readers to be lulled into thinking this is going to be light entertainment – though there is humour in places. As with RG, it’s a difficult one to slot into a genre, but I wouldn’t recommend it for children or people of a nervous disposition…
As ever, your input has been useful, Hugh. Hope life is treating you well in these interesting times.
Emmerdale? How did you react when someone compared Ravens Gathering to a soap-opera, Graeme?
I’ve only written anything that included ‘gore’ once, and people still say to me that they remember that story so well. ‘Gore’ definitely has a market, although I don’t seem to be able to watch it as much I used to. Reading it, though, is a different matter. I have no problem with it.
I’m glad to have been of some help, Graeme.
Have a lovely weekend, even if we are all in lockdown.
It puzzled me at first, Hugh, but I understood it in the end – and it was a great review!
On the gore front, I do actually try to leave it to the reader’s imagination most of the time, but there are the odd occasions when it needs spelling out. Whether it’s explicit or implied, it’s not the gore itself, but the sense of fear and/or pain that readers connect with. And I do want the reader to feel something by the time they’ve got to the end of one of my books.
You have a good weekend too
Love the initial blurb, it says thriller bordering on horror to me. I liked option one, simple yet leaves me asking for more. It would have me opening the book! Looking forward to reading it Graeme!
Thanks, Sam. Just about to put the finishing touches to the blurb. I’ve had a lot of useful (though occasionally conflicting – never going to please everyone!) feedback. Ebook should be ready in the next week or so.